Luckily nothing that Jesus calls out sounds anything like a lot of his followers today. One version has him getting invited to a pharisee’s house and after dinner Jesus just goes off on the guy.

I don’t pretend to understand any of it.Īnd the pharisees get a real chewing out by Jesus. Don’t ask me, I just write this stuff down. Somehow that has to do with being greedy. Jesus doesn’t seem to understand how eyes and light works. Jesus tells us how to get bread from friends in the middle of the night. Find out how Jesus says you should pray with two different versions of the same prayer. Unsure of how to pray? Do you get on your knees and say, “Well, now what?” Jesus to the rescue.

That doesn’t sound like a cult leader at all. We find out Jesus cares way less about getting some lunch than he does having a chick hang out at his feet basking in his glory. In theory these would be the sisters of Lazarus, however he doesn’t seem to be around in this story. Of all the commandments God handed down throughout the Old Testament, which is the greatest? Trick question! Two of them are the greatest! And Jesus breaks them down, or has them broken down for him, depending on which gospel you read. Try to complete this sentence, “Our Father, who art in heaven…”

Oh the audacity